"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"

Why can’t guys handle honesty?  I told my last boyfriend, “Do whatever you want, just be honest about it.”  When he asked for money, I didn’t mind giving it to him, as long as he was honest about what it went to, even if it was to drugs.  As long as he was honest, I didn’t mind, but this is still something he had a problem with, especially when it came to other girls.  Why?

Honesty is one of those things that we continually fear.  You fear his lack of honety, while he's afraid of how you will react to it.  Whether it’s good or bad news, we can’t always accurately gauge someone else’s reaction to the truth, and how it will affect our relationship with them, be they parent, friend, boss or lover.  Telling your best friend that she looks fat in the dress she just bought, is almost as hard as telling your lover that you’ve betrayed their trust.  Also, in most cases, people love to feel like they’re ‘getting away with something’, so to carry on an indiscretion only to tell you about it, takes away half of the fun.  Some guys live by the rule, “What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t fear,” which will leave you sitting there worrying about how much they really are getting away with.  My best advice?  If you hear alarm bells, act on it!  Wave the bullshit flag and see if he’ll surrender the truth.  If he’s not capable of it, he’s not worth keeping around.  Be honest with yourself about what you deserve, and you'll find the truth much easier to live with than the lies.

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a good two years already, and the sex has been pretty damn good, but for the past three months, I haven’t really had much of a sex drive.  I would avoid going to his apartment, because I just don’t want to do it these days.  I’ve been feeling pretty bad about it and we have been arguing quite a bit because of it.  What’s wrong with me?  It’s not like he can’t deliver.  I just don’t want to do it at the moment.

If you don’t want to do it, don’t.  Giving him a shag for pity or to save the relationship is only going to make you feel worse; you’ll feel he pressured you into it and grow to despise him for it.  You’ll also be mad at yourself for giving in to something you didn’t entirely want.

Make a list of the reasons things have changed in the past few months: has work been stressing you out?  Is there something that happened between you both that subconsciously might be causing your disinterest?  If you guys have been together for two years, you should be able to discuss the matter calmly with him.  He’s likely worried that it’s something he did wrong: assure him that the sex itself is not the issue.  Guys have fragile egos, especially when it comes to matters of the bedroom, so start with that and go from there.  If he’s not able to understand, remind him that his right hand is there for a reason and he will have to content himself with that for awhile until you’ve sorted the problem out within yourself.  

 

I’ve been married for three years.  I love my wife, but she won’t do anal.  How do I convince her to do it?

Sorry to be the one to break the bad news, but if she really doesn’t want to do it, there’s not enough lube in the world to convince her.  Women are stubborn creatures – having been married for three years, I’m sure you’re already aware of that. 

Men enjoy the occasional finger-up-the-ass-during-a-blowjob because they have a prostate, which is essentially the male G-Spot.  Women, however, do not.  Some girls really enoy anal sex, but if your wife is not one of them, there’s no sense in pushing her.  Anal sex can be extremely painful for women, especially without the proper preparation.  If your regular sex is getting dull or routine, spice it up a bit with things that she’ll enjoy and feel comfortable with, and the variation should be enough to excite both of you.  

 

What is an appropriate way to tell a co-worker that you think she’s very attractive and that her outfits are gorgeous on her and you would like to ask her to lunch to see if there is any chemistry between the two of you?

Simply ask her out.  Sure, you’re risking some future awkwardness at work if she turns you down, but at least you’ll be able to say you gathered up your courage and made an effort.  As long as you’re polite about it, it’s not inappropriate.  If she’s as attractive as you think she is, she’s likely used to co-workers giving her looks that alone would necessitate a sexual harassment suit.  Be different by being respectful.  She’ll appreciate it. 

How do you know how controlling a girl wants you to be to give a sense of security and make her feel important, without overdoing it and seeming like a controlling possessive dick, or not enough to seem like an indecisive needy pussy?

I think she’ll let you know one way or the other, even if just through annoyed body language, if you’re being a controlling possessive dick.  Revert back to some of the oldest rules in the book.  Open doors for her, give her presents for no reason, make her happy when she’s not: prove that chivalry isn’t ready for the autopsy table quite yet.  It’s when you start ordering her meal without consulting her or making plans for the both of you without first checking her schedule, that you may be greeted with a cold shoulder. 

There’s no need for you to act that controlling, possessive role for her to feel safe and important with you.  Remember that you like/love her for who she is, not who you’ve turned her into.  Allowing her to be herself is the best move you can make, as it shows that you’re secure with the relationship enough to step back and let her make the decisions once in awhile, and that you appreciate her input and choices.  Equality in a relationship is truly the best kind of security. 

"It is more easy to be wise for others than for ourselves."

Oscar Wilde once said, “Advice is meant to be given, not taken.”  That said, I’ll admit openly that I’m no expert when it comes to matters of the heart.  In fact, any minor catastrophe ends up with me blowing up the phone of any friend who’ll listen, begging for new advice and viewpoints I couldn’t have seen before.  And, as a friend, I do the same for them – despite our finest efforts, however, sometimes remaining unbiased is a little difficult.  Hence my idea behind starting an advice blog!  


This is the place where you can ask anything at all relating to sex, dating, and relationships without fear of sugar-coated platitudes, outright indifference, or receiving strange looks.  I may not always have my head on straight when it comes to my situations – who does, really? – but I’ll do my very best to help you with yours. 

Any questions can be sent to lovelossandlingerie@gmail.com.  If yours ends up on this blog, I’ll make sure to shoot you an email and let you know.

That being said, let’s get this party started!

Do girls accept the fact that guys look at other girls even if the two are dating?  

Girls are trained from Day One to keep that image of Prince Charming in our minds and hearts.  However, our gender has pretty much grown to accept (and expect) that even the most gentlemanly prince will turn his head when a pretty thing in a short skirt wanders by.  It’s an inevitable reaction that we don’t pay much attention to, and I’d say the majority of us find it acceptable.  Most women will even throw in a half-hearted joke about it, or depending on the fluidity of her sexual tendencies, join you in appreciating the eye candy.  But!  Much like an M&M accidentally dropped on a dubiously clean carpet, there’s a three-second rule.  Spend too long checking out that blond at the bar and your girlfriend may find herself in the market for another prince – one not so easily charmed by scantily-clad passersby.  If your lady notices you checking out other girls, play it off in a way reassuring to her.  Smiling and saying something like, “Well, yeah, she’s pretty, but she’s got nothing on you” will put you back in your girlfriend’s good graces, as long as you mean it.  Just try to keep it subtle – as long as it’s only your eyes that are wandering, you should be fine. 

 

What do you do if someone you don’t like invites you to a formal function?  A girl I can’t stand invited me to her wedding, and while I’m really good friends with the groom, I’m afraid I’ll get drunk and say something that could ruin the bride’s big day.  Should I go for the sake of my friend, or skip it for the sake of their marriage?

As much as you’d like to support your friend, skipping the wedding seems like a good idea.  Blurting out “You’re making a mistake!” mid-dinner isn’t the best plan for an impromptu wedding toast.  Wedding receptions are appealing for the possibility of free booze and potential dance partners, true.  But if that free booze comes at the cost of a friendship, perhaps it’s wise to stay home that night with a bottle of Jack and Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" on Repeat. 

Ok, here's a direct sex question that I sometimes wonder. Although I always fall into the logic trap that every girl I've ever dated or slept with is completely unique and different in what they want and like, so it's practically impossible to blanket generalize an answer, but..Do you think it is typically more satisfying for a woman during sex if the guy climaxes first and continues until the woman climaxes with the knowledge that he's already done?, or is it better if the guy holds off until the girl finishes, but then continues to have sex with her post-climax until he finishes? It's slightly unrealistic to assume you are both going to climax together at the same time every time so it becomes a bit of an etiquette question at that point....and that's of course assuming the guy has some semblance of control over when he comes, and that he can bring her to finish in the first place.

Assuming the guy is capable of holding it in, it’s probably worth the effort for him to do so.  Women can sit there all they like and bitch about how men view sex as a way of just getting their rocks off before bed, but most men do really want to be able to please their partner.  And sometimes, as we all know, that can take awhile. 

If a guy can manage to finish and keep on going, more power to him!  The only problem there really depends on how late you intend to stay up.  If your girl gets off and you keep going, there’s a good chance she’s going to be riled up for Orgasm #2, and if you’re unable to provide that, she might feel slightly (if not irrationally) cheated.  Most men need a bit of time to reload, and may just fall asleep in the process of attempting to get to that point.  There’s frankly no one right way to go about it, but as long as each of you get at least one good orgasm in, I’d call that a decent night. 

If you finish before she does and find that your raunch rocket is utterly unprepared for another blast-off, other acceptable equipment to get the job done are your hands and tongue.  It doesn’t much matter how she gets off, only that she does.  Women put a lot of work into their pre-sex routine – shaving, makeup, cute outfits for you to tear off…If she’s going to put in lots of effort, you should be prepared to, as well. 

What do I do if a woman giggles at my penis?

You should either congratulate your penis for having told a truly amazing joke, or you should find another woman.  Whether size matters or not is immaterial in this case – even if it does matter to the woman in question, she should at least be able to hold her laughter until the next girls’ night out.  But it may be something other than her immaturity, or your Mini-Me: she could just be nervous.  Many people use laughter as a natural defense, especially in cases of nervousness.  Maybe she’s not as experienced as she let you think, and is actually fairly intimidated and is trying to lighten her own mood.  There's no shame in honesty: if she feels free enough to be that honest, you should feel free to ask her straight-out what was so funny.  React to it sensibly if you can, and decide from there whether Little Miss Giggles is worth your time and ego.  

I have a lot of bad habits, and when I’m in a relationship, I feel like it’s a responsibility and inspiration to cut one of those habits.  Smoking is one of them, as my ex told me he’s not interested in kissing an ashtray.  What does that say about me if I’m willing to kick a bad habit for someone else?

A new relationship opens up a world of new opportunities, and gives us the feeling of really turning over a new leaf.  If it’s the first good relationship after a seeming eternity of terrible ones, it’s especially inspiring – once one factor of one’s life is going well, it seems easier to begin bettering our lifestyles in other aspects, especially ones with which we’ve been secretly discontent or disappointed.  Something like quitting smoking is of course a positive decision, as long as you’re doing it because you want to.  Cutting out habits you know are bad for yourself is always a good thing, but if you find yourself compromising other things about yourself for the sake of impressing someone or keeping them around, sit back and re-evaluate what’s important to you.  A truly supportive partner will lead you in the right direction and always advocate what’s best for you, even if that requires a change; just make sure it’s a change for the better and for yourself.