"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"

Why can’t guys handle honesty?  I told my last boyfriend, “Do whatever you want, just be honest about it.”  When he asked for money, I didn’t mind giving it to him, as long as he was honest about what it went to, even if it was to drugs.  As long as he was honest, I didn’t mind, but this is still something he had a problem with, especially when it came to other girls.  Why?

Honesty is one of those things that we continually fear.  You fear his lack of honety, while he's afraid of how you will react to it.  Whether it’s good or bad news, we can’t always accurately gauge someone else’s reaction to the truth, and how it will affect our relationship with them, be they parent, friend, boss or lover.  Telling your best friend that she looks fat in the dress she just bought, is almost as hard as telling your lover that you’ve betrayed their trust.  Also, in most cases, people love to feel like they’re ‘getting away with something’, so to carry on an indiscretion only to tell you about it, takes away half of the fun.  Some guys live by the rule, “What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t fear,” which will leave you sitting there worrying about how much they really are getting away with.  My best advice?  If you hear alarm bells, act on it!  Wave the bullshit flag and see if he’ll surrender the truth.  If he’s not capable of it, he’s not worth keeping around.  Be honest with yourself about what you deserve, and you'll find the truth much easier to live with than the lies.

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a good two years already, and the sex has been pretty damn good, but for the past three months, I haven’t really had much of a sex drive.  I would avoid going to his apartment, because I just don’t want to do it these days.  I’ve been feeling pretty bad about it and we have been arguing quite a bit because of it.  What’s wrong with me?  It’s not like he can’t deliver.  I just don’t want to do it at the moment.

If you don’t want to do it, don’t.  Giving him a shag for pity or to save the relationship is only going to make you feel worse; you’ll feel he pressured you into it and grow to despise him for it.  You’ll also be mad at yourself for giving in to something you didn’t entirely want.

Make a list of the reasons things have changed in the past few months: has work been stressing you out?  Is there something that happened between you both that subconsciously might be causing your disinterest?  If you guys have been together for two years, you should be able to discuss the matter calmly with him.  He’s likely worried that it’s something he did wrong: assure him that the sex itself is not the issue.  Guys have fragile egos, especially when it comes to matters of the bedroom, so start with that and go from there.  If he’s not able to understand, remind him that his right hand is there for a reason and he will have to content himself with that for awhile until you’ve sorted the problem out within yourself.  

 

I’ve been married for three years.  I love my wife, but she won’t do anal.  How do I convince her to do it?

Sorry to be the one to break the bad news, but if she really doesn’t want to do it, there’s not enough lube in the world to convince her.  Women are stubborn creatures – having been married for three years, I’m sure you’re already aware of that. 

Men enjoy the occasional finger-up-the-ass-during-a-blowjob because they have a prostate, which is essentially the male G-Spot.  Women, however, do not.  Some girls really enoy anal sex, but if your wife is not one of them, there’s no sense in pushing her.  Anal sex can be extremely painful for women, especially without the proper preparation.  If your regular sex is getting dull or routine, spice it up a bit with things that she’ll enjoy and feel comfortable with, and the variation should be enough to excite both of you.  

 

What is an appropriate way to tell a co-worker that you think she’s very attractive and that her outfits are gorgeous on her and you would like to ask her to lunch to see if there is any chemistry between the two of you?

Simply ask her out.  Sure, you’re risking some future awkwardness at work if she turns you down, but at least you’ll be able to say you gathered up your courage and made an effort.  As long as you’re polite about it, it’s not inappropriate.  If she’s as attractive as you think she is, she’s likely used to co-workers giving her looks that alone would necessitate a sexual harassment suit.  Be different by being respectful.  She’ll appreciate it. 

How do you know how controlling a girl wants you to be to give a sense of security and make her feel important, without overdoing it and seeming like a controlling possessive dick, or not enough to seem like an indecisive needy pussy?

I think she’ll let you know one way or the other, even if just through annoyed body language, if you’re being a controlling possessive dick.  Revert back to some of the oldest rules in the book.  Open doors for her, give her presents for no reason, make her happy when she’s not: prove that chivalry isn’t ready for the autopsy table quite yet.  It’s when you start ordering her meal without consulting her or making plans for the both of you without first checking her schedule, that you may be greeted with a cold shoulder. 

There’s no need for you to act that controlling, possessive role for her to feel safe and important with you.  Remember that you like/love her for who she is, not who you’ve turned her into.  Allowing her to be herself is the best move you can make, as it shows that you’re secure with the relationship enough to step back and let her make the decisions once in awhile, and that you appreciate her input and choices.  Equality in a relationship is truly the best kind of security.